Operation Introspection

I think everyone would agree that it has been a strange couple of days as we begin 'social distancing' and navigate a new world (at least for awhile). I would ALMOST say this has been the oddest couple of my days of my entire life, but that would not be truthful. This moment makes me think back on some of the other times in my life when I was aware, in some way way back part of my mind, that this is one of those periods that has been tattooed into my brain where my grandchildren and great grandchildren might ask me "where were you when the world quieted down for a few weeks/months?" Can you imagine their faces when I tell them that their Mama used a 'website' called 'Zoom' to meet with her teacher and I used a 'video' conference room to meet with my clients 'virtually' while I stayed at home and played endless rounds of Clue and Scategories? I can already cue the questions, "what's a zoom? And what is video? And what in the heck is a board game?" Instead of hearing what we actually did here they'll be wrapped up in the terms of the "old days" and how primitive this all sounds. And we will laugh and giggle together, there will be some wonder and amazement in their eyes, and they might even roll their eyes to one another and talk about their crazy old grandpa and all of his nostalgia. It reminds me of my experience with 9/11. If I tried hard enough I could force myself to remember what I was wearing as I laid in my dorm room and watched the planes hit the twin towers, from a television the weight of elephant and called my room mate from a phone with a cord to please come back because I was so frightened to be alone. I could feel the rise and fall of my t-shirt as my whole body shook. My heart raced, fast. So fast. Was something coming right this very minute to crash into me? What am I actually seeing with my eyes? Will I survive? Will they? While I remember the feeling and emotion, do you know what my eight year old asks? Why didn't you just send a "I'm safe" sticker on Facebook? Um, honey, there was no Facebook. No social media at all, unless you count live journal. I mean, was there even Wifi then? And all of the stuff that came after is now just common practice.....no liquids through TSA (who didn't even exist beforehand), an endless war in the Middle East in countries I still could never identify on a globe, and the start of political polarization that forced everyone (online anyway) into whatever corner they would be defending until the death from that point forward since everything you believed would now be worn as a badge of honor on social media. In elementary school, I had a project to interview my parents about where they were when JFK was assassinated. We were supposed to draw it into picture form (which thinking of it now is kind of morbid) but I have a vague memory of not understanding how to draw a Cadillac convertible. Sure, my grandparents drove Cadillac's but my Mom said President Kennedy's was different. I was annoyed and wanted to see a photo, but then again there was no Internet, no google where I could just hit 'images' and I had to use my imagination. And we could keep going back and back and find endless examples. It's not just milestone memories either. 'Have you ever seen a person die Grandpa?' "Yep, and part of me died along with them in that moment." 'Have you ever seen a baby be born?' "Yes, I was in the room when your Mama was born and my heart exploded into a million pieces like a firework when I saw her for the first time." My point in saying all of this is to remind us all that I believe most of us are in a vulnerable and emotional space right now. We are aware of how scary and frightening this all is, and even if we put on a brave face and say things like 'it's not that big of a deal' or 'everything will be OK' part of us is aware of the emotional impact this virus is having on us. And it's not just emotional, my restaurant job has been suspended. Millions of workers are scared about how they'll survive financially in the coming weeks and months, especially if this keeps on going this way. Your feelings are valid and important. I have moments of pure terror and fear as well. But then I am quickly reminded that the 10-days of independent study, each round of a board game, each television show I let my daughter watch because I just need a minute and don't really care that she's watched ten hours of TV today, the stocked up fridge, the void streets, the constant media news cycle pumping us full of information, social media, and social distancing will not matter a decade from now. Not to us individually anyway. And somehow that gives me some peace to make mistakes, try to stay present, binge watch good TV shows, pray for doctors, nurses, and other leaders, drink good wine, play an extra round of cards with my kiddo, call my Mama more often, and cuddle with my spouse at night. We will get through this and when we tell the story of 2020 to our kids they'll simply want to know- where were you when COVID-19 changed the world for a blink?