Showing Up

We are in the middle of our East Coast Spring Break trip right now. While most of this trip was about having fun and visiting friends and having a great time, yesterday we planned a day to visit with my husbands family in Philadelphia. For most people, that’s just what you do when you go home, but for us this was a much bigger deal. You see, other than one brother, two sisters, and two nieces I’d never met any of his extremely large family, including his parents. We had been debating what to do and how to do this for quite some time. We finally decided a few weeks back to rent an AirBnB house and invite people over to visit in one spot. The weeks leading up this have caused some major anxiety. How would it all go with his deeply religious family meeting their gay sons husband and daughter for the first time? I never ever get nervous. It’s just not part of who I am, however for days I’ve watched in anticipation as we got on the plane from Los Angeles and into Philadelphia. I’ve done my normal travel thing by asking tons of questions and soaking up the rich history of this beautiful city. For me this wasn’t just about seeing Philadelphia, but moreso really understanding where my husband is from and how he became the most incredible person I’ve ever met. As we checked into the house, the owner was leaving. We walked in to the strongest smell of marijuana I’ve ever encountered. The previous renters had a house party the night before! I was starting to panic and get so nervous! I just wanted this to go well. And then suddenly I look out the window and a woman I’d never met was tying balloons to the posts on the drive way (black and white to signify our ebony and ivory union!) and within a few moments dozens of people flooded in, bringing with them trays and trays of food and drinks- pans of Mac and cheese, hundreds of pieces of fried chicken, crock pots of collard greens, cakes, pies, and more food than I’d ever seen. Every single one hugged me, genuinely, and asked about my life. I watched as the anxiousness fell off of my husband and he laughed and sang and danced and joked and hugged with his giant family for hours. I had built in my mind this idea of my Mother in Law as a vindictive person who would use her religion against me. Instead she gave me one of the biggest hugs and smiles I’ve ever seen. She brought a bag full of toys and goodies for Harper and checked on us both all throughout the evening to ensure we were eating and having fun, which we were. I’ve never eaten as well as I did. We had soul food. Moreso my soul was fed. My husband always reminds me how important to “show up.” I guess I knew that in theory but he has forced me to look at that head on. His brother and girlfriend drove in from New York City even though they’ll still be seeing us again in a few days! His sister and niece came from Jersey and even though they are annoyed by their family like so many of they came, they stayed, and made me laugh. And his two best friends tagged teamed in the whole night to ensure Harper and I were fine and well and that we had a familiar face during this huge gathering. After spending a night with his lovely family I think I understand that importance Of showing up even more. Just like that, the weeks and months of trip preparation and the big family meet-up have come and gone. I’m not delusional in thinking that from here we all move on as one big happy family. Maybe we will, but I think it’s more likely that we won’t. However I’ll soak up the memory of last night for years to come. I get it now. After six years together, I finally can see how my husband IS who he is. He has his Mother’s belly laugh and his sisters charisma and his brothers swag and his cousins wit. And when we needed it the most his family “showed up.”